VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
