i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
