From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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