I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
