Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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