The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
