I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
