Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Life is so much better after having sex.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My ass is underappreciated
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
