Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
