Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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