WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
