Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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