The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
