My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
