Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
two words...techno handjob
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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