he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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