there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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