definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
