Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
