I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
