Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
