State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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