You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
