dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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