just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
