I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
