Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
