so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it was like eating out sand paper
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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