i just wanna soil my oats bro
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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