maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
