Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
