Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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