I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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