I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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