Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
