at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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