break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
