My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
