You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
