I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
