his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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