Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
