I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
