she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
