i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
