I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
