I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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