Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
