Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Randomize
