Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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