i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
