Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
