But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
