I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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