WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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