Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
