I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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