It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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