i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Found the puke drawer
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
