dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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