why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Randomize
