You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's blow job season.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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