I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My vagina is very pro this idea
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
