i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
