I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
