I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
