I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
