My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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