Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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