and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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