we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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