As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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