How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
