Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
