Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
